As I put my fingers to the keyboard, I dream of thoughts to record.
What feelings are worth to let pour, and what others should I keep in store?
Seconds turn to minutes, minutes to hours, before hours turns to days I decide to hit the showers.
Maybe I’ll just call it a day, let my head lay, then after I rise I’ll just let it all spray.
Maybe attention they’ll pay, to all the pain that I show, to all the joy that I feel, for my desire to grow.
Into a man that became greater than any prediction, one that always stood by his convictions. One that always took the time to listen. The man that always found what his life was missing.
I miss you dear, right now I wish it was your lips I’m kissing. From now until I die I will always belong to you. It doesn’t ever matter what we’re going through.
Come hell or high water, I’ll be right there by your side. Come hell or high water I’m ready to ride or die.
No matter what comes in the future you will always have my heart. Nothing not even death could ever tear us apart.
The picture that we’re painting is really a work of art, and I’ve always known it right from the very start.
I’ve never talked about cheating since I’ve been with Nicole, I’ve never thought about cheating on her and I am not ever going to. It’s a scary thought to me and I want to talk about it so I never have to worry about it again.
I’m human, so maybe it’s natural for me to be curious. Maybe it’s normal for me to be attracted to other girls, the thing is, I’m not and I don’t want other girls.
Cheating is an irrational fear that I have. I believe that it’s coming from my real fear, which is commitment, sort of. I want to spend the rest of my life with Nicole, I am going to one day and I’m certain about it. I just worry about things that can go wrong, because I don’t want them to. That’s the most terrifying thing to me, losing her. My life is so much better now that she’s in it. I don’t want that to ever change at all.
I love her too much to lose her or let her ever walk away. I can’t ever lose her.
I hate it when she doesn’t talk to me. I hate it when I know something’s wrong and she doesn’t tell me. I can’t stand it at all. I don’t see how that helps anything. Especially when I ask her to tell me and she doesn’t say anything except “it’s fine” or “nothing” or “don’t worry about it” I’m supposed to worry about it. I want to know what’s bothering her, but if she won’t tell me, what’s the point?
Honestly it frustrates me sometimes. It makes me so mad and I’d rather not say anything about it because getting mad at her won’t help. She’d just shut me out even more. I guess I’ll just let it go and go to bed. I can’t force her to want to talk to me or tell me anything, so I’ll pray on it and go to sleep.
I have always been bad at coming up with titles to my posts. I always try to make something deep and usually introspective when I write. Sometimes though, it’s better to just write something. It can boring, funny, even downright dumb, as long as I’m writing everything is okay. It’s such a stress reliever. It is therapeutic, in more ways than one, and I need that.
Lately, I’ve had negative emotions. I get angry at times and it’s weird because I have no reason to be, but it happens. I feel like I want to scream out, but I can’t. It’s been happening for awhile now, but I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t think I’ve prayed about it, maybe once, but I will tonight. I don’t want to feel this way, now or ever. Hopefully God will help me get through as best I can. ✌️
I’m starting to love Summer. It’s always so nice and warm. It’s very calming to me. Everything just feels better during the Summer.
Economics is going really well. I don’t know why mom was worried about me doing poorly, the class isn’t hard at all. My problems with school work have always been about doing the work, not being able to comprehend it. As long as I’m putting in effort I will be fine. That’s the only thing I need to work on for next semester.
I actually have friends at work! It’s cool. At target I was cool with people, but I wouldn’t consider anyone my friend. At MST it’s definitely different. We talk about sports, music, everything. I even have nicknames haha. They call me “Reverend” and “Strong Colby” because I’m good and I can lift heavier things. It’s a really good time, even though all we do is lift stuff all day.
I love being good. I love being a good person. It fulfills me. I feel like that’s part of my purpose in life, to be genuine, to be good person and to be a good Christian. Especially that last one. Being a good Christian is very important to me.
Nicole is the love of my life. She is the person I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with and the person I want to spend the rest of my life. When we went on our date it was honestly the best time I’ve ever had with another person. It made me really happy. It made genuinely happy, but I need to settle down for right now.
Until next time. ✌️
I’m at my friend Deshaun’s Graduation party and I have a minute so I’m posting. I like the music and everything. It’s a nice vibe evade there’s a lot of church people here. Joe is next to me slobbering over a girl here and dancing so I’m entertained.
I saw Ashley and a few other people I knew. I just wish the food was done so I can eat! I’m starving haha. It’s good to be around people and catch up. It’s nice. One of the girls I went to grade school with had a baby now! So that’s different haha.
I have class work that I have to finish before the day is up. Just my exam and that’s it. After that I’m free to do whatever I want. I’ll probably post a little more. There’s a few things I want to say. See you then. ✌️