When We Are Apart.

I feel the fear as it comes and leaves my mind. I fight with it constantly because I feel like if I don’t I will leave the one person I love more than anything. I fight as hard as I can and I never lose. The fact that I have to fight is what causes me pain. You should never want to break up or leave someone you really care about. It should be automatic right? No work required right? So what is the problem? Why do I have these thoughts? I never have them when we are together. Only when you are 560+ miles away do these thoughts enter my mind. I hate them. I start to hate myself. I start to loath whatever is not allowing me to become the man I want to be, and the man I want to be wants to stay by your side everyday for the rest of his life. I begin to question whether I really love you or not. “If you loved her you wouldn’t leave at all…you wouldn’t even think about it.” “I mean you smile whenever you see her picture.” “You cried when you realized you would be without her for four months. You cried and you held her as if you never wanted to let go.” “You love her. You honestly and deeply love her. Anyone with eyes can see that. You see that. So why do you have these thoughts?” I ponder this question and I have no answer. It is just hard for me to commit? Am I afraid? I don’t know. What I do know is that every moment without you is a moment I will regret for the rest of my life. I know I can’t live without you. I know you are my bestfriend and I love you dearly with all my heart. I know I want to love you with all my heart and I will commit myself to you. Please, do not give up on me. Please, never leave my side. Please, never love anyone else. I belong to you and only you, and I never want that to change.


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