My Thoughts. (In The Shower Earlier)

When I was in the shower today, everything I wanted to say to you about how I feel about us, about everything that’s going on with me, my feelings, all of it came spewing out in my head. I was pissed because I wasn’t able to write it down then and I had to get ready for class right after I got out. I’m gonna do my best to say it again now, hopefully you feel just as good about it as I did. I hope when you read this you see how much I love you. I’m gonna show you my blog on Valentines day. I started this blog for you so I can tell you how much I love you. I know you love to read, so I wanted to give you something to read that’s meant specifically for you. Hopefully by the time you see it, it’s like a book. I was hoping for at least 50 posts or more, so you know how much I love you. This is gonna be hard because it was perfect earlier but here I go…

I’m not sure what you think love is. I wasn’t sure what I thought love was until I met you. We spent so much time together and I could feel myself getting attached to you quickly. Very quickly. By the time I went to your prom and we just held each other in the middle of the dance floor I knew I loved you. When I held you and we cried together in my dorm, I knew I would always love you. Last night, when I told you I had doubts about about us always being together and when you said you didn’t have any and called yourself naive, that’s when I knew we would. That’s when I knew I never wanted to leave you and I don’t want you to leave me. When I’m with you, I know who I want to be. When I’m with you everything I want and need from a best friend and a soul mate, is right in front of me. Im not worried about my feelings changing right now. I know I want to always be with you.

Forever was difficult for me to fathom. Loving one person for the entirety of my life was difficult to comprehend, not because I didn’t want to do, but because I want to and I wasn’t sure how to. When you called yourself naive it was like my mind was screaming, telling me that losing you would be the biggest regret and the most costly mistake of my life. Then when I took a shower it all came to me. I was thinking about breaking up yesterday, the thing was I didn’t want to at all. I never want to. I was wondering what it would be like to be without you, would my feelings be the same if we weren’t boyfriend and girlfriend, or because we don’t have that title would they go away? I’m dumb for thinking that. Why wouldn’t you want to claim someone you love more than anything? Honestly, whether I’m your boyfriend or not, I’m always going to love you. I’m not going to love anyone else the way I love you, and I don’t want to love any other girl the way I love you. I want you to be my beginning and my end. I want to love you forever. I know I will.

Everyday ask myself, how do you know you are going to be with her for the rest of your life? I want to be. I see people married, committing themselves to one person forever, and that’s what I want to have with you. Just thinking about it makes me smile. It makes me happy. It makes me feel warm and brings me joy. Us starting a family together, I can’t tell you how happy that would make me. I can’t explain it. Staying with you forever, that’s honestly all I want. I know that’s a long way off. A very long way off. But that’s what I want. That’s what I’m looking forward to. I honestly don’t believe that will change, I never want that to change. I’ve never been patient. I’ve always had problems being patient. My mother and grandmother have told me all the time I’m not patient. So in my mind, this is God’s way of testing me. I want to always have you, and I want to build a life with you, so I have to be patient. I have to wait, and even if it’s really hard I’m going to wait. There has never been anything in my life more worth the wait than you.

I never want to hurt you. I always want to make you happy. When I’m with you I see the man I can become. A good man. A great person. A faithful husband. A good father. A successful person. When I’m with you I have no desire to change who I am, only become a better version of who I am. I want to do whatever is necessary to stay with you and never give up on us. I want to be with you always. When I’m with you I know I’m on the right path, and that’s the path I choose to stay on. I hate the impulses I have to do things I don’t want to do. I have them from time to time. I hate them. I don’t ever want to do anything that tears me from you. The connection that I have with you is pretty similar to the one I have with my family members. My loyalty to them is never ending, as is my love for them. Mistakes or not, we are a family and we stick together. That’s why you are a part of my family, because I will always love you and always be loyal to you and only you forever. That’s what I believe we have, and what we will always have.

My love, there is not one thing I would not do for you. You are the most important person in my life. Our connection is one that is very dear to me, almost sacred even, and I want us to always be with each other. I want to remain forever true and in love with you no matter what. I want us to always stay together forever. I will do whatever is necessary to make that happen. I believe that we are building a relationship that will last forever and I’m trying my best to make that happen. I pray about it almost every night. I believe it will. I feel as if I still have so much to say to you, like I haven’t done what I realized in my mind justice. I may add to this as the days go bye before I show you. Just no this: I love you. Unconditionally and eternally I love you. I want our love to last for a lifetime and I believe it will. That’s what I’m trying to build with you. No matter what life may throw at us, never leave my side and I will never leave yours. If I lose may way, which I pray never happens, I will ask that God lead me back to you so that I may stay forever. I will never give up on us, because I want to be with you forever. Whatever it takes to commit to someone for the rest of your life, I will do that to be with you.


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