I’m Never Breaking Up With You. (My Thoughts While I’m Sick.)

I’m never going to break up with you. I could never do it. I don’t want to ever want do it and I never want it to happen. I used to believe that breaking up and getting back together was the sign that two people will always be together, but not anymore. Staying. That’s how you prove to someone you will always be there. Not by taking breaks, even though space can be a good thing if you overwhelm yourself like I did last semester, but by staying with that person through anything. I never want to break up with you. I love you more than life itself. It would just be words. It would just be words because nothing can destroy this connection that we have and are trying to build. There is nobody that makes me happier, there is no one I love more than you and there will not be anyone I love more than you. There is no one I’d rather commit myself to for the rest of my life than you. Is it scary? Yes. Do I freak out a lot? Absolutely. That’s because I want you to be mine forever. I never want you to be with anyone else. I never want to give you a reason to be with anyone else. I love you unconditionally and eternally and that will never change. You are my baby, you will be my wife one day and we are going to spend the rest of our lives together. I pray for it, I hope for it, and as the days go bye I feel more and more certain it is going to happen. As long as I don’t overthink or act rashly out of fear, we will be fine. If that happens, please don’t give up on me. I’m pretty sure it won’t though. I love you. More than anything.


3 thoughts on “I’m Never Breaking Up With You. (My Thoughts While I’m Sick.)

  1. Wise words, “Staying is how you prove to someone you will always be there.” Very true, it’s the only way 🙂 Like you I used to think if someone kept coming back that meant they’d stay in your life but over time I finally realized those relationships never work. They just destroy the person being left.

    • I’ll be honest, our relationship is perfect or at least as close to perfect as it can be with this distance. But this bothers me. I want to stay with her forever. There’s nobody else I would rather be with for the rest of my and honestly she’s the love of my life. I want to marry her. So why do I have urges to leave? I’ve had less and less as the days go bye. But they’re still there and they piss me off. They make me question how I feel and I never do that. I don’t want to. I know she’s the one I want to give my life and heart to. I know if we weren’t together I’d regret it forever. I don’t want to leave and come back. I just want to stay with her forever. That’s all I want. I just want an answer. Can you help me?

  2. I can only offer what I’ve learned in my short 22 years and I’m still always learning. Love fascinates me. Like you I wanted to fall in love once and live happily ever after no matter what. Stay. Stay unconditionally.

    When is it that you get these urges to leave? In my personal experience when I make my mind up about something there is no swaying me :p When I decide I love someone; that’s it. But I did have urges to leave only when past relationships became so painful I didn’t know what else to do. My first love and I broke up when he said “well it’s not like we’re gonna get married or anything.” I then cried for over a year which took me to boy number two. Boy number two and I were on and off for five sort of wonderful but really miserable, unbearably painful years. He would get bored or scared about committing to me, or we’d have a fight and he would break up with me, Then after a few months when I’d start to put my life together he’d be back saying he missed me and I’d go (sadly) running back so grateful that he’d have me. Never again would I do that. No one is worth that.

    But yes, I did have days where I wanted to leave boy number two because he just hurt me so bad. His flirting, his leaving me, his total lack of making me a priority in his life, how critical he was of me… sometimes it was so painful that I would want the pain to stop but I wasn’t willing to leave. Instead I would hurt myself in secret because I didn’t know what else to do, and I would stay. If you want to leave because this person makes you feel worthless, and doesn’t respect your feelings, then by all means PLEASE leave. I was a complete mess after boy #2 left me for the fourth time but now I thank God that he did. It was a blessing in disguise, because now I’m in the most healthy and happy relationship I’ve ever had. My boyfriend doesn’t take me for granted, he completely appreciates and adores me and I him. There’s no drama, no games. We have an occasional dispute that never lasts long and never gets nasty. He is truly amazing and I feel so lucky to have found him.

    BUT if these feelings are out of boredom or fear of commitment, or something similar this is something you really need to work through. Always consider how it would feel if the shoe was on the other foot… if she had doubts about you, if she left you how would you feel? You definitely don’t want to put someone on an emotional roller coaster. We all want security in a relationship and not having that security destroys people; it turns us into needy, emotional wrecks, shells of the people we could be. You never wanna break up with someone to “test your feelings.” I think you’ve learned that. I really don’t have any insight on how exactly to work through these fears of commitment because I’ve always been on the other side of the coin, very sure of my decisions (even if they were the wrong ones!). My suggestion there would be to just never take that person for granted; always remember that you are not entitled to love and that it is a gift someone has given you. Spend your time thinking about how you can make them their happiest self; how you can make them smile and make their life the best it can be and I think you’ll find that the more you think about them the less you will think about your own doubts/feelings, and the happier you will feel. Making others happy really does wonders for your own happiness. 🙂

    Best of luck to you!!

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