My Thoughts In The Shower Again.

I start overthinking this time when I hopped in the shower. I see why it causes problems. I thought about the first time I thought I loved someone, and if I saw that girl now would those feelings still be there. Granted I was like 13…but still. I don’t love her anymore, I never did. Honestly I had a crush on her and that’s all it was and ever will be. I never want to feel any of those feelings for anyone but you and only you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

I over thought so many things this time. I was afraid to do my work all the time because I thought my feelings of love will disappear. I was afraid I’d stop being in love with you or wanting to be committed to you because of my dedication to my work and that’s stupid. I only want to be with you. I hope you see that. I never want to be with anybody else and balancing love and everything else is hard for me sometimes. I’m getting better at it though. Please don’t give up on me.

I thought about why I don’t like getting close to other girls as friends. I remember when Mak cried on me that night we all went out. I felt like we got close and that scared me because I don’t want to be close to anyone but you. When things get rough you are the one I want go to, and I want to be the one you go to. I want to be the only man you ever love. When I’m happy I want it to be because of you like it is now, and when you’re happy I want it to be because of me. You are the only person I want to be in love with, and I want to be the only person you’re in love with. You are part of my family and I love you more than anyone else. I never want to have that connection with anyone but you.

I never want to be without you. I love you more than anyone or anything. I want us to spend the rest if our lives together. I believe we will. I need to enjoy now though. I can’t get ahead of myself all the time, even though being with you is all I will ever want. If I do things will go bad. I just have to enjoy everyday and forever will happen eventually. I love you. More than anything.

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2 thoughts on “My Thoughts In The Shower Again.

  1. That’s wonderful you have those feelings for someone. I think anyone who really loves someone feels that way; that you wouldn’t or couldn’t be with anyone else. Especially if it’s your first love.

    I certainly never wanted to be with anyone but my first love, and then I never wanted to be with anyone but my second love; unfortunately they both crushed my heart into tiny little shards. BUT I am now with my third love and he is the first boy to really love me back. He never plays games like those other boys did, never leaves me waiting by the phone, never makes me feel insecure about our relationship. He’s the best thing that has ever happened to me and I feel like the luckiest girl alive.

    I sincerely hope you get to live the rest of your life with your significant other, but I just wanted to say that if for some reason it doesn’t work out know that you can love someone again. And try not to torture yourself. After my first two loves broke my heart I was a total mess; yes it hurt like hell, more than anything I’ve ever gone through, but also I think part of that hurt was self-torture. Because if I didn’t feel so low then maybe those feelings I had weren’t “real.” We all wanna be Noah from the Notebook, still loving that one person no matter what, but sometimes life has other plans and I finally decided that I didn’t wanna live a tragedy anymore, and over time I learned to put happiness above love (though love is still a close second :p).

    I guess what I’m trying to say in this very long, muddled message is that your feelings are real and I hope you never go through heartbreak, but if you do, don’t let it consume you; don’t torture yourself. I guess I just wanted to say it because your post reminds me so much of myself when I first fell in love.

    I wish you all the best and lots of happiness 🙂

    • Thank you so much. I love her more than anything in this world. I hope and pray what seems to be everyday that we are always together. I want what I feel to be real. I want these feelings to last forever, and that’s what scares me the most. I never want to leave her. I never want to be without her. I want to marry her and spend the rest of my life with her. I get so scared. I hope she is always with me. She hasn’t seen any of these yet and I can’t wait to show her.

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