I start overthinking this time when I hopped in the shower. I see why it causes problems. I thought about the first time I thought I loved someone, and if I saw that girl now would those feelings still be there. Granted I was like 13…but still. I don’t love her anymore, I never did. Honestly I had a crush on her and that’s all it was and ever will be. I never want to feel any of those feelings for anyone but you and only you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
I over thought so many things this time. I was afraid to do my work all the time because I thought my feelings of love will disappear. I was afraid I’d stop being in love with you or wanting to be committed to you because of my dedication to my work and that’s stupid. I only want to be with you. I hope you see that. I never want to be with anybody else and balancing love and everything else is hard for me sometimes. I’m getting better at it though. Please don’t give up on me.
I thought about why I don’t like getting close to other girls as friends. I remember when Mak cried on me that night we all went out. I felt like we got close and that scared me because I don’t want to be close to anyone but you. When things get rough you are the one I want go to, and I want to be the one you go to. I want to be the only man you ever love. When I’m happy I want it to be because of you like it is now, and when you’re happy I want it to be because of me. You are the only person I want to be in love with, and I want to be the only person you’re in love with. You are part of my family and I love you more than anyone else. I never want to have that connection with anyone but you.
I never want to be without you. I love you more than anyone or anything. I want us to spend the rest if our lives together. I believe we will. I need to enjoy now though. I can’t get ahead of myself all the time, even though being with you is all I will ever want. If I do things will go bad. I just have to enjoy everyday and forever will happen eventually. I love you. More than anything.