I’m Lost.

I’m not sure what I was thinking last night when I told her what happened that night during Summer. I’m not sure why I did. I just felt like she needed to know everything. No secrets. No games. No lies. That was the only thing I’ve never been completely honest with her about. I was just thinking about everything that I want for us and I don’t want anything bad getting in the way of that. I love her. I love her more than I have ever loved anyone or anything and I don’t want to lose her. So I’m always going to be honest with her. I’m always going to tell her everything that happens. I hate myself for not telling her in the beginning. Especially knowing what I know now. She deserves better than that. Nothing even happened and I still feel horrible about it. She’s my best friend. I don’t ever want to lose her or be without her. Lately I’ve been getting used to the thoughts of being with her for the rest of my life. They don’t scare or overwhelm me anymore. They make me smile and bring me joy all the time. I want to marry her one day. If I could do it tomorrow I would even if there would be distance. That’s how much she means to me. I want us to last forever. I think I know how to make that happen but I’m not sure. I just want to stay faithful, love her unconditionally, pray that these feelings that I have last forever, and hope that no matter what our love is what I believe it is. I never want to be with anyone other than her. She really is everything to me and I don’t want to lose her. I honestly don’t know what to do right now.

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