My friend Shiann thought I was having a moment when I said I want to marry you. I told her I was serious. That I have every intention of spending the rest of my life with you and nothing would make me happier. I told her I was scared. I gave her a list of everything I plan on doing and she told me I forgot one. She told me that I need to love Jesus 1st. That God’s plan is greater than my desires no matter how strong and real they may be. That ultimately his will shall be done and no matter how much I pray, and beg and ask, he will decides what happens. I don’t want him to take you away from me. He brought you into my life, he blessed me with your love, I can’t imagine him taking you away not that I know I always want to love you. Eternally and unconditionally. I believe that is his plan and that is his will. Leaving my love up to the will of my Lord and savior is terrifying, I’d rather it would be in our hands so that we could decide. So we could love each other always. So when I blush and tell my friends that I’m going to marry you I can be even more confident that it’s going to happen. I want him to keep me with you always. My mind and my heart seem to be in constant flux at times. Knowing that I want to be with you and only you forever, and yet at times trying to pull me away. Knowing that these feelings I have for you are genuine and pure and true, yet still trying to prove them to myself. He knows my heart even better than I. My greatest fear is that deep down I’m not as good a man as I want to be for you. I feel confident that I am. I just wonder how good I am at times. I wonder if I’m not can I become the man you want and need? Everything about what I’ve done and am doing tells me I am. I just wonder what The Lord thinks of our love. Does he deem it fit to last a lifetime like I desire? Will he test us? You? Or just me? I wonder if whether we spend our lives together up to the two of us? If so then I have nothing to worry about. Whether we are destined to live together or not. I will always love you and only you, unconditionally for the rest of my life. I will try everyday to be with you because I love you. Hopefully God wants us to be together forever. I believe he does.