I feel so weird.
FaceTiming her was one of the best nights I’ve had since I’ve been back. I love her so much. I love her more than I have ever loved anyone. I don’t ever want to be with anyone else and when I woke up this morning it was like my head was screaming that to me. I want to spend the rest of my life with her and I’m sure of that now. I love her unconditionally and she is my bestfriend.
I have fears though. I don’t want to get left behind. I don’t want us to grow apart. The feelings I used to have about breaking up are pretty much gone, there’s no reason for me to ever break up with her. If we did I wouldn’t date anyone else. Never. I’d just try to be with her again. I never want to hurt her. I want to be patient at all times and I believe that’s where my urges came from. I just have to wait everyday and I’ll be fine. I don’t want us to give up on each other. I don’t want her to leave me. I don’t want this to just be a young relationship, I want what we have to be our final relationship. I want us to be together forever. No matter what. I don’t want these feelings to change or stop and I’m terrified of that. I don’t want us to just be bestfriends. I want us to be together forever and be married and have kids one day. I don’t want to jinx it. I have to enjoy now and I am, I just want so much more and to make her happy. That’s why I have to enjoy now. Now turns into forever and if make her happy one then I’ll have the chance to make her happy forever.
I want to marry her. I know I do. When I looked at her last night that’s what I was thinking about and I kept smiling. It makes me so happy to think about our future together. I want to be a part of her future. I want to be her husband. I want to be the one she comes running to when something is wrong. I don’t want to feel these feelings for anyone else. I don’t want to make any mistakes with her. I want to learn how to enjoy each day we are apart and use it as an opportunity to get closer to each other everyday. I’ve got everything figured out I think.