Thoughts Today.

I love her so much. I wonder if I say it to her all the time do I really mean it? Should I only say it once? Should I say it as often as I can? I say it whenever I feel it’s necessary. I can’t help it.

Our relationship is young. It’s only been 9 months but I believe she is the one I will spend the rest of my life with. She is the one I will marry. I hope so. I don’t want to lose sight of what I want for us, but at the same time I have to enjoy now. I have to enjoy school. I have to enjoy us, even though that’s hard because of the distance. I want us to always be together, the first step to that is enjoying right now.

I don’t want to get left behind, so I have to learn to enjoy my life here on campus. I just don’t want to start neglecting her. I still won’t talk to other girls, that’s not something I want to do. Honestly I believe that if I had friends that were girls it would get weird like how it was with Mak. We were cool, but I always felt uncomfortable around her. I always was weird about having girl friends because over time we might not just be friends. That’s part of the reason I didn’t want a girlfriend until I met her. Now that I know who I want to be with I don’t want anything like that happening. I can still be around other girls without feeling weird, I just don’t want to get close to anyone else. I’ve been told that it’s harder for guys to stay faithful in a relationship as is, adding distance makes that even harder. I love her though. Genuinely. She’s worth the wait and she always will be. So that won’t ever be a problem.

We have this rule though just in case: if I felt like something would happen between myself and another girl, I need to break up with her. I refuse to cheat on her while I’m away. There’s no coming back from that. Even if I could it would be so hard for her. Plus that’s not who I am. I don’t want to be with anyone else at all. If a girl wanted to do something I would say no. I’d just walk away. She’s too important for me to walk away from her. I’d rather just stay. I don’t want to hurt her or make her feel like I don’t want what we have to last forever.

I don’t want to do things to be seen. I do things like this to show I genuinely want her and only her. That’s why sometimes I don’t think I should say I love you all the time, because it might not seem genuine even though I mean it. I don’t know, maybe I’m overthinking things again.

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