Jealousy is an ugly emotion. It’s horrible and I hate it. So when I feel it…I’m always disappointed in myself. I don’t like it when she hangs out with other guys sometimes. I can admit that. I trust her completely. I just can’t help being a little jealous every now and again. I wonder if this is how she felt when I used to hang out with Mak. I knew she would get angry sometimes. The only times we really fought last semester were when I went out. At least the ones I can remember. I haven’t been out since I’ve been back. It’s just not something I want to do anymore. I haven’t smoked and I don’t drink at all really and I’m happy about that.
I miss her a lot. That’s nothing new but I do. I wish she was next to me right now. I love her. I can’t imagine my life without her. I know she’s the one and I’m happy I’ve found her. Dealing with the distance is the only thing we have to do.
I have these strange feelings. Most times I’m happy and excited because I know what our future holds. Marriage and a family. Then I get scared. Just the what it’s you know? They’re different though. Before I used to be worried about nothing and now I feel like I know why I get scared. I know what I don’t handle well and what I do. I know that I get scared when I think about her getting bored of me. There’s a lot of other things that scare me too, but it’s been great between us and I don’t want to focus on the negative right now. I love her, she loves me and that’s all that matters.