Thoughts Today.

I wish she was here. It’s been weird these last couple days. I haven’t been overthinking anything. I miss her a lot. I miss her body. I’ve been trying not to think about the physical things so much, but for the last few days it been bad. I’ve been craving her and it’s been getting to me lately. I don’t like craving sex. I understand that I’m a guy and it can happen from time to time, but I don’t like it. Not while she’s not here. If she was here then it wouldn’t be a problem, but she’s not so I have to watch out for that.

I love her so much. I’ve been getting a lot of advice lately, and people are telling me not to worry about it so much, because “if it’s meant to be it will be”. I hate that. To me it sounds like, “Don’t try.” I understand when they told me that I’m doing a good job but I need to do my own thing. I need to make sure I stay patient, which is what I struggle with the most, and don’t expect everything to come so quickly. Honestly, that is what I have problems with. Just being patient. It’s a quality that I’m afraid will get the better of me and I have been working hard to make sure it doesn’t. I know after three months of waiting for the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, I can do anything. I won’t use the pain as an excuse either. It hurts now but it will be worth it in the end.

I keep getting excited. I want to be with her so badly. I hope I always feel like this. I feel like I will. I know I will.

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