This is not about something that I have accomplished, but something I hope to accomplish.
I want to stay in love with same person for the rest of my life. Right now she is 560+ miles away from me, all the way in New York, while I’m back home in Cleveland. It’s hard. It’s really hard. Not seeing her face everyday, not being around her everyday is the hardest thing I have ever done. It hurts…and honestly it won’t get better until I see her again. I could never give up on her. I refuse to. The times I feel like giving up or giving in are when I miss her the most. Long Distance Relationships usually don’t last, and I feel like I know exactly what I’m up against. The thing is, I don’t care because I want to marry her one day.
There are days when you just wonder if they miss you like you miss them. If you are just as valuable. When they tell you they’re hanging out with someone that’s not you, you get jealous. When it’s late at night and you’re talking, you feel the urge to tell them everything. How much you miss them. How much you love them. How you want to build a life and stay together forever. How no one will ever be more important than they are. You want to beg them to never leave. To tell them that you can, and will, be everything they will ever want.
You hope that they don’t become distant. That the texts never stop. That the FaceTime dates you have every weekend don’t end. You pray. You look inward and inspect yourself for the darkest, most terrible parts of your heart and you start fixing these problems one at a time. You ask God, to let them know how much you love them. That you will always love them, even if it doesn’t work. You let them know that they can always come back and try again, that you will always be waiting for them to realize that you are all they need.
Your emotions are confusing. You find happiness in other things to keep your mind off them. You surround yourself with great friends. You watch movies, a few that remind you of them. You join clubs. You workout. Netflix becomes your bestfriend. You get through the days easier and easier every day.
Then comes the nights. You lay awake wondering about them. Did you still love me as much as you did when we last saw each other? Do you still want to marry me? Did you think of me at all? If something happened…Would you run back to me? Am I the one? Am I irreplaceable?
Against all odds. Against every fear, every doubt and every bit of anxiety, I will always love you and I will always stay faithful to you. This will be the hardest thing I have ever done, but I’m going to do it.