I guess I’m getting to the point where I can’t write something everyday anymore. That’s okay. How I feel should go without saying at this point.
I missed her today. I miss her everyday, but I really missed her today. Seeing Nicole makes me so happy. Hearing her voice makes me happy. Just being able to hold her again would make me happier than I’ve been in a long time, and I’ve been pretty happy all things considered. I love her.
You know what I really miss? Play fighting. I don’t know why. Don’t ask me why, but that always made my day when we fought. Even if we accidentally, or purposely, hurt each other. We would lay on top of each other and bite each other and slap each other and it was fun. Then we’d always make up afterwards.
I miss laying down together. We could just talk about anything and everything. I miss all those little things that brought us closer together. The physical things are important, they help remind you why you fell in love with someone, but they’re not everything.
Distance tests me emotionally, because I’m emotional. I love hard, and honestly even if we weren’t together I could never stop loving Nicole. I couldn’t forget about her and I would always want to try to make us work. So sometimes I have to convince myself to stop. Not to stop loving, but to chill out. It’s conflicting. Part of me feels like I’m giving up by doing that, the other part thinks I have to because I’ll just end up ruining us if I don’t. It’s really complicated.
What’s not complicated is that I’m committed to her. Even though things are hard right now, they’ll get better eventually. In a little less than 70 days. That’s not too bad. I can do that.