Sometimes I think you don’t have faith in me. The worst thing you can ever say about someone that’s waiting for you is, “I don’t know if this is going to work out.” It’s the absolute worst thing you can ever say when I’m waiting here for you. I understand. I get it. I honestly do. I know you love me, and I love you. I love you more than I have ever loved anything. I don’t care about others girls. I care about you. I wouldn’t wait for other girls, I’m waiting for you. You want God to bring us closer. I want God to find a way for me to commit myself to you always, even if I have to obstain from a pleasure that I enjoy.
I don’t have to have sex with you. The fact that you think it’s going to be a problem is funny at times to me. I’d never leave you over sex. You and I are deeper than that. Will it be hard? Yes. If one of us is breaking down than I’d rather just have sex and start all over again than lose us. I’ll be honest, sex is only important to me because it’s important in most relationships that last. Infidelity happens. If you can’t satisfy your partner physically, they will find someone that will. Sex is important to me because I want to be able to satisfy you so that will never be a problem. That’s honestly the only reason sex is important to me.
I want us to be closer. At times I’m afraid. I’m afraid of us ending because you’re the one. I want you to be the one, because you’re my bestfriend. If God let me be the closet person to you that’s honestly all I can ask for. I want that connection with you that doesn’t go away. I don’t know if you build it. I don’t know if it just happens. I know want it with you and only you. I won’t test The Lord. If it is not his will, then it is not his will. If I have to accept that than I will do so with a heavy heart because you are the one I would like to spend my life with. If it is up to me, than I will always give you my all. I want us to last forever but I’ll take my time with us if that’s what you need. I’ll wait every day. I’ll open my heart to you a little bit at a time, and hope that you love what’s inside. I’ll grow with you if I need to. If I need to grow separately from you and come back, I’m willing to do that as well. I just don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to lose Nicole Marie Swanson. Not even for a moment. That’s all.