I find comfort in knowing that I want you. I want you to always be with me. I don’t want to let myself need you. I fight that. I can’t be dependent on you, that’s not going to work.
The shower is my favorite place to think about you and not for the reason you might you think haha. I always see things so much more clearly. I understand more, I don’t know why.
I feel like everything I have ever written you before yesterday was a combination of anxiety and how I really felt. I would always stress so much, which made certain things sound better but was also causing me to freak out at times. No more of that from now on.
You need someone that will always be there. That will never hurt you. That isn’t concerned with what other people say, or have heard. That just loves you and will wait. I want to be that someone. I want to wait, even if it is not in my nature to be patient. I want to love you and only you, even if I have never truly loved anyone that was not a part of my family. My words can not just be words with you, I want to genuinely mean them. Even as I write now, I feel this feeling. Not anxiety, but something in my back that is telling me you mean what you say. At the very least you want to. You want her to be the one. You want your relationship to be for a lifetime. You want to change into the man you want to be for her. You want to be sure she will always be there. You want these things to happen.
You talked about me being patient with you. You said you wouldn’t change anything about me. I love the way I am with you, because it’s who I want to be from now on. No games. No other people. No any of that. Just you and me.
I want it to be so much deeper than it is. I want to know that you will always be here no matter what, and that nobody else can have you. That may be something I just have to wait for. We’ll see. Either way, I love you Nicole. I love you more than anything and I always will.