1. Treating her better: There’s a certain way I want to be able to treat her and I’m not doing a bad job so she says but I can always treat her better than I do now.
2. Really loving her: There’s changes that need to be made. I love her. I want it to be real. She said everything we’ve done so far has been real to her. I need to confirm certain things for myself that I’m not sure I have yet. I want us. I want to marry her and be with her for the rest of my life. So I need to love her in a way I don’t think I have since we’ve been together. It’s more about loving her for her. Everything she is about. If it’s not something I love right off the bat, then I’ll learn to love it.
3. Stop avoiding other girls: this is tricky and I started to do this last night. I can talk to other girls that’s not an issue. Avoiding girls does not help me grow, it stops me from growing. I did last night and I see why I love Nicole as much as I do. I don’t like the girls down here too much. They’re not like her at all. She’s sweet and kind and beautiful and honest. I won’t find anything else like that. I’m still never giving out my number, but I can talk to them.
4. Embrace that the distance is difficult and complicates things: I still haven’t done this. This is where I start. I hate not seeing her everyday. I hate it more than anything. There’s certain connections I can’t form, now that I see things for what they are, because she’s so far away from me. There are some that I can though. I can learn to love her for her. I can become more loyal. I can grow my faith in us. I can grow my trust. I can grow the love that we already have. I can grow as a person and a human being. I can grow my resolve. Distance is good for right now.
5. There are changes I need to make: I am very weak mentally. I can give into certain things very quickly and that is my greatest flaw. Being in a long distance relationship is very hard for me sometimes. The only reason I have made it this far is because of her and probably because of God as well. He brought her into my life for a reason, and that reason was for me to make her the happiest woman on Earth. That’s what I honestly believe. In order for me to do that, I have to change. I have to be honest about everything. I have to remain loyal at all times. I have to toughen up mentally. I have to give her all of myself and hope that is enough for her to love me always. I have to pray for more patience and to let God help me become everything I want to be for her and for myself. Most important of all I need to humble myself before The Lord humbles me.
This will be a process. It will be very difficult for me at times to overcome everything. I will not quit and I will not turn my back on her or The Lord. I am in this forever and I have no regrets about who I choose to love and spend the rest of my life with. I may falter at times but I will never give up on us. I will not hurt her and I will not quit. For the first time in my life I want to stay true to my word and become a better man. I need The Lord to make this happen.