Whenever I have religion class I rarely listen to the lesson. Not intentionally, it’s more because I’m pondering things about my faith. Having faith in Christ is tricky for me because I love God but I like having control. I do not like the thought of someone else having control over my life. I believe he knows how it will end. I believe he knows what I truly desire and that he will help me achieve what I need.
When I’m there I think about a lot. I try not to think about Nicole, but I did today. This space is really good. I sent her a text this morning and I regretted it because she doesn’t need me to tell her I love her a million times everyday, even though that’s nice. Just enough to let her know that I’m always thinking about her. I’m going to miss doing that for her, the notes and the writing, but I’ve realized that I really need to do my own thing for awhile. She’s bored of it. I don’t want her to ever be bored of me. It’s a possibility that I’m overreacting because of the distance. It’s been awhile and it’s not ending any time soon, but I can see that she’s used to that all the time.
I know she’s the one now. I’m confident that I can not build a life with anyone else. I do not want to. I love spending time with her. I love this feeling of knowing that I love her and only her. I love belonging to her. It makes me feel fulfilled. I hope The Lord never let’s me stray from her.