My friend said something to me that stuck in my mind. I kept playing it over and over again like when your favorite song gets stuck in your head.
You don’t look at other girls because you’re scared you might want them. You’re afraid to look because you have no faith in your love. It’s okay to look. It’s okay to talk. It’s okay to be friends with other girls. What’s not okay, is being afraid to live.
I felt like he was completely right. My rationalization was that if I didn’t talk to other girls, that’s how I knew I was committed. It’s sort of the opposite. Talking to other girls and still belonging to the one I love makes me committed. There’s a difference.
It wasn’t healthy. A lot of the things I did we’re not healthy and I realize that. Even when I was writing notes for her every night, now I feel like that was excessive. I don’t want her to get bored and I don’t want her to think I’m afraid anymore because I’m not. I love her and she’s the only person I want to spend my life with. That will never change.
I have a chance to see her this week. I haven’t decided yet. There’s a lot of stuff going on that I was invited to, and the only reason I’m even considering not going home is because I feel like she wants space. Or maybe she just wants to enjoy her break without me. I’ve felt really weird the last couple days when I’ve thought about it. I want to see her. She’s more important than any of the stuff that’s going on. I just feel like she’d be upset or something like that. It’s weird.
We’ll see what happens. Hopefully I get to see her.