I never realized how much I care about the woman I love until i looked at other women and talked to them. Just seeing how they operate. What they care about. How they look. It’s important to get to understand what I like and what I appreciate in a woman. I hadn’t done that yet. It’s a part of growing and it makes sure I know what I’m getting myself into.
My relationship with Nicole is something that I cherish. I love her. My feelings have changed in a positive way I feel or maybe I just finally realized what they really are and what I really want.
I want her to be the one I spend my life with. This isn’t new to anyone that reads my blog. I say this fairly often. The thing is, I see how I need to go about that now. I always questioned how I really felt about our relationship, mostly because I was scared. I knew I loved her, I knew I wanted a future with her and I knew she was my bestfriend.
I was scared of myself. I was scared of hurting her in a way that only someone you truly love can hurt you. That’s why I was so afraid to talk to girls because I didn’t want it to lead to anything. Especially since I’ve made a major change in my life recently and it’s had some effects, mostly positive.
I’m not going to hurt her like that. I always had this feeling that if our relationship did not work it would be because of a grave mistake that I would make because I have never been committed to anyone. I feel that I have grown passed that.
I love her so much. I see her picture and I just feel a rush. I blush! I love that I feel that way about her. I don’t want to feel this way about anyone else. At this point, I honestly don’t think I could. I want to give her all of me. I can be loyal to her and only her. I can save my body for her and only her. I can always be patient with her.
She loves me and that’s what’s most important to me. I could care less about any of the other girls here. I know who I want to be with and start a life with when it’s time, and that’s Nicole.
I’m dosing off. I’ll finish this tomorrow.