Thoughts. (After Some Time Off)

I haven’t written anything in awhile. At least nothing I am proud to have written. Part of it has been because I’ve been busy. The other part because I have been lazy. I’ve realized how much I need this now. It’s a good way to express my feelings for Nicole and honestly I need that.

I remember when I used to post almost every night about not wanting to leave. I was so afraid. I was so scared and now I don’t even know why. I thought about it again yesterday and I could never do it. Not Nicole. I don’t know why I feel this strongly about her, but I do. I do and I love that I do. I love her. I love her like she was a part of my family that I grew up with from day one. I love her like she’s irreplaceable, that’s because she is to me.

I believe she is the one. Today I was listening to all these love songs while I was trying to sleep, and the way I felt was so unexplainable. It was like I wanted her to just lay there with me and listen. I just wanted to hold her and see if she felt the same as I was feeling. I wonder if she feels the same as I do a lot. Not if she loves me as much as I love her, I know she does. I just have feelings about us. Extraordinary feelings. I wonder if she ever feels that.

Emotionally, I still have things to work on. I have an idea of what our relationship needs to be and there are changes that have to be made over time. Emotionally I want to grow closer to her, that’s the most important thing for me personally. Physically I will always be fine with us. Emotionally and Spiritually I need to get closer to Nicole. God will help make that happen, I can see it.

I could never fall in love with anyone else while I’m here. I could never fall in love with anyone else ever. I wish there was a way to prove that to her now. The only thing I can do is show her everyday. My main problem is that I am impatient. I want everything to happen now and it can’t. The process has to be my favorite part. Working to make sure we are always together is my goal. I’m really looking forward to it.

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