Thoughts.

Not being able to talk to you as much bothers me. It just does. I understand why though. You have things to do and I have things to do. That’s what this is about. It sucks but that’s what it’s about. It makes me appreciate when I can talk to you more. I miss being able to do it everyday. I’ll get to talk to you everyday soon.

My friend asked me what the hardest part about waiting was. At first it was the uncertainty. Just not knowing if you’ll still love me as much when we’re apart. Then it was myself. Can I really do this? I know this is what I want. You are what I want. I’m grateful for the distance in a way. It sucks don’t get me wrong, but if it wasn’t for it I wouldn’t know what I know now. Or feel how I feel now. I wouldn’t trust you as much as I do. I wouldn’t appreciate you as much as I do. I want to spend my life with you. I want to because I know that no matter what I will always be yours. I just hope that’s enough to keep you for the rest of my life. I still have things to work on in order to do be successful at that. I still get jealous. I still get worried. When I can’t talk to you for long periods of time I worry. Just being stronger is what I need to do.

I was really afraid when I first got here. Now, I’m certain you are the one for me. I’m sorry it took awhile to figure it out. I thought about it everyday. I never denied how I felt. I was just looking for ways to confirm everything. If I’m being honest I was always sure, I was just afraid. I hate admitting that. It makes me feel weak. No matter what I would never leave you or stop loving you. That makes me feel really weak and helpless. You never told me what that meant when you said you felt weak. Maybe it’s something similar to that. I don’t want you to feel weak, I want to make you feel strong. That’s what I want to do.

I can’t be without you. I can’t love anyone the way I love you. I will never leave. I love you. I always will.

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