School is almost over but I’ve realized the work isn’t going to stop. I’m taking Summer classes starting the 18th and that’s something I am going to do every year until I graduate. I want to graduate as soon as possible and I’ve realized that. I enjoy school. I like OU. I’m going to get more involved next semester. I just want to graduate as soon as I can so I can start making money. I’m not really going to have time for breaks or anything like that, but it’s worth it. After talking to all my professors, advisers and the people closest to me, I’ve decided to be more serious. I want certain things out of my life and I am going to have them.
I don’t hang out with the guys below me anymore. We were cool, but they’re not helping me grow at all. I was talking to my advisor about it, and I’ve been so better off not hanging out with them. I’ve been better off not drinking or smoking. I’ve been better off since I’ve been going to Bible study. I’ve been better off since I’ve been praying. Perfect example, I dressed up to give my speech today for my Difficult Dialogues class. It’s about religious beliefs and the speech was about why the class was important to me. I saw Matt and he said, “Why would you dress up? You could have done better anyway…” I saw them again at dinner and they made fun of me for not coming down in like three weeks. They were just joking, but I saw everything I needed to see. I’m not like them. I don’t fit in with them. I don’t want to. I’m just glad I figured that out before it was too late.
I’ve noticed some flaws that I have. I don’t like when people are more successful than me. It makes me want to be better than them. It may not be a flaw, I just need to channel it in a different way. When I need to do something I have trouble doing it. Something in me puts up some resistance and I’m working on fixing it. I am not patient. I am more patient than I have been in the past, but it’s still an issue. I want to enjoy processes and that’s becoming easier. I have negative emotions and I’m working to make them go away. It’s harder than I thought, but I’m going to fix it. I’m working on talking less too. It’s helping a lot.
I love Cru. I love having a place to strengthen my faith in God. He’s in me and I’m ready to accept him fully. The thing is, it fulfills me. It really makes me smile sometimes and I love that it does. My faith makes me very happy to be alive. I don’t feel as close to darkness as I used to. I felt like I was engulfed by it at one point, there were even times where I considered willingly giving into it. Now I would never do anything like that. I prefer to live in light for the rest of my life.
Thats all for right now. I really need to sleep.