You’re a Better Man Than Me.

Am I really though?

That’s what I asked myself after my cousin Harold said that to me today. He asked me why I never tried to have sex with other girls while me and Nicole were away. His exact words might have been:

You don’t get you some pussy while you at school? You trust her like that?

I said what I always say, of course I trust her and no I don’t try to have sex with other girls while I’m at school. He asked me if it was hard, and initially I started to say yes, but then I thought about it and it is not hard for me at all. I do not believe that, that is weird or strange anymore either, I never want to have a reason to feel otherwise with Nicole. He asked me something that made me think, along with something my grandmother said yesterday. My cousin asked me, “What if she hurts you? Then what?” My grandmother said, “He may think that she’ll always be loyal to him, but she may not be. Then what is he going to do?” 

Honestly if she did hurt me, I do not know how I would respond. If she left me at any point, I would still love her. I would still want to be with her. I am not sure if I would allow myself to do so though. If she hurt me, I would have to move on. I would not want to move on, but I would make myself move on. If she was not loyal to me, I would move on. I would still love Nicole. I am always going to love Nicole and that is not going to change. If she hurt me or left I would be disappointed, but I could never chase after someone that would treat me like an option and not a priority. I believe that she is the one and she would never do that to me. I understand what they mean though, and I should live my life as if she could walk out at any moment because as our relationship changes, so could her feelings. I have always truly believed we will always be together and I still do. However, it is not set in stone at the moment and I need to remember that for the time being. If she is truly the one she will never leave my side no matter what. I am not worried and I have faith in us. I believe God is on my side with this one.

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