If I Always Want To Have You, I Have To Do Things Differently.

I watched a YouTube video yesterday. My cousin Queen talks about The Breakfast Club all the time so I watched one of their videos because I was bored, plus I wanted to listen to Charlamagne because he’s funny. I watched the Teyana Taylor interview and a couple of the things she talked about made me think about Nicole, myself and us.

The first thing that made me think was when she said:

If you deny what you had with someone, no matter how it turned out, then you never really loved them.

Regardless of whatever happens with Nicole and I, I will always love her. I want and I plan to spend my life with her, because she makes me happy and she makes me want to be better than I am. If something ever happened, I would try to fix it. I would do whatever I could do to fix it. If she ever left, or hurt me, or anything I would still love her just as much as I always have because of everything we’ve been through. That’s not going to change and I would never deny how I feel for her.

The second thing she said that made me think was:

The role of some women is to make a man a better man for the next woman.

I don’t want Nicole to be this woman for me. She’s the woman I believe I am supposed to stay with, and the one I’m not supposed to leave. That’s who I believe she is supposed to be for me. Why would I leave the girl that makes me want to be better? If God has another plan…then I’ll accept that. Time will tell but I have faith. I understand why it’s scary because I don’t know who she’ll meet when she’s away. I don’t know if she’ll always love me. I don’t know if she’ll never leave. I don’t know if I will always be a priority in her life. I believe in us, I believe that she’s everything I will ever need and I believe God will always keep us together. As I said before, time will tell.

Finally, the last thing that made me think was when Ms. Taylor said:

All I’ve ever asked was to always be open and honest.

So I’ll do that now:

I’m committed to always being with Nicole. She’s the one for me. I’d go through anything with her and for her. However, I have a lot I need to work on. I’m still insecure at times and I could blame it on the distance or whatever but there’s no reason for me to be. Whatever happens, happens for a reason. God does not make any mistakes. I believe that she loves me. I believe she will always be there because that’s what she said. I want to believe she will never leave. I can’t get comfortable with that yet because that’s hard for me. I’m not going anywhere. I will always be there for her. It makes me mad that I got so wrapped up in us because I know there are more important things to focus on right now and I let it happen anyway. Twice. I know why it happen though. I want to always make her happy you know? I want us to always be together. I want to take care of her, and I
in order to do that, I need to focus on me first from now on. Like she focuses on herself first. If she’s the one she’ll always be there, she’ll never leave, and what we have and want will grow and never change. There’s no reason to worry anymore or be scared. I’ll just try to make things great for us as best I can by making things as great for myself as I can.

No matter what happens, I will always love her. I will always be there for her. I would love to spend the rest of my life with her, when the time comes. That’s what my heart wants and that’s what I plan on doing. Some of the things I’ve been doing haven’t been working for me and I’m not going to do them anymore. Everything should be okay, but we’ll see.


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