I believe that there is someone you are meant to be with in your life time, and I used to believe that there was this magical feeling that you will automatically feel with that person that keeps you together forever. It’s more than a chemical reaction in your brain, it’s something deeper than that. It’s almost heaven sent, and you know that person is the one.
I felt that with you. I’m not sure if it was automatic. When we first met you had a boyfriend so maybe I never paid attention to it, but when we went to prom I knew it. I’m thinking about it now, and I still can’t believe you went to prom with me. I can’t believe any of the stuff that’s happened so far has happened. I can believe that I fell in love with you, I can’t believe you fell in love with me. I still can’t sometimes.
Now, I believe in something else. It’s as much about actions as it is about feelings. It takes a lot of time, probably a lot longer than we’ve been together. It keeps people together for a very long time. Sometimes forever. Usually forever. The thing about it, however, is that you can’t rush it. You don’t just feel it, it’s something you have to work for every day and it’s something you have to believe will happen.
I’m not sure that you will ever feel this way about me. I don’t think it matters to you right now. When you say, “I can’t predict the future” or “Feelings can change” that means one of two things to me. Either you think something is going to go wrong, or you don’t know if I’m the one. You said you have to be this way, which probably means that you’re doing it to keep from being devastated if you did let me in and something happens. Or it means that, I’m not that important that losing me matters to you. If I was the one, you’d trust that I wouldn’t let distance change how I feel about you. I used to think that the only thing that can change my feelings would be yours but now I know that nothing is going to change how I feel about you or what I want to have with you.
However, If I’m the only one that believes we’ll make it, if I’m the only one that expects this is going to work no matter what, if I’m the only one that’s work for something that lasts forever, there’s no point in doing it. One sided relationships can hurt people in ways that a lot of things can’t. So when you say, “I can’t predict the future” or “You never know, feelings can change” or “I have to be ready for the worst” that makes me believe you don’t really trust that I will love you forever and that you don’t feel what I feel whenever I’m around you.
More than anything, I want you to prove me wrong like you usually do. I believe you will, I just want you to know how I feel.