I wish it were more silent in my room right now. My mom is watching a movie or television show in the next room very loudly, so I kind of have to dig more deeply to focus on what to say about what happened today. That’s okay though, because this post should be better for it and I want to make sure I’m profound.
When I was at work today, one of my coworkers Latrell asked me if my girl was fat. I said “No.” and him and his friend Jameel, another one of my coworkers, asked if they could see a picture of her. I said “No.” Then Latrell asked, “Damn Colby…she that important we can’t see a picture of her?” I said “Yes, she really is.” From that point he asked me a few more questions, like how long we’ve been together followed by whether or not I was in love with her, and I answered them both honestly.
Later when I went over my auntie Vicky’s house, I guess there was this girl that came outside next door, and my Uncle was like “Oh she’s got on so,eh really short shorts, look over there nephew.” I wouldn’t. It kind of started this thing with Queen, Unique, him, my Nana (That’s what I’ve called my grandmother since I was 3 I believe) and auntie Vicky. They were getting on me about not looking at other girls, at one point Queen was screaming “LOOK! LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK!” and Unique said something that made me kind of mad for a second.
Look at him…trying as hard as he can not to look. Go ahead and look! Just look! Look at him! Just look boy…
It made me mad because I honestly didn’t want to. I wasn’t resisting the urge to look at her ass or anything, I just didn’t care. I don’t ever have to resist an urge, if I wanted to look I would look, I just don’t see the point when I have what I want and I love what I have. I want to always have the woman that I have now, therefore, there is no reason to look at other girls.
(I lied about never resisting an urge. I may not have to anymore, but there have been times when I have. The thing is, they only happened when I wished I was next to Nicole the most and she wasn’t there.”
I love Nicole. I want to spend the rest of my life with Nicole. That is how I feel and it is not going to change. I get why they don’t want me to be so in love so fast. They see that I’m serious about her. They all know how I feel, even if sometimes I get nervous and don’t admit it around them. I love my girlfriend, and I plan on spending my life with her.
My love that I have is exactly what it’s supposed to be. It’s unconditional. I am going to love her no matter what we go through. I believe I am always going to be in love with her. I know I am. She makes me happy and makes me feel fulfilled. The way I feel about her makes me feel very special.
I also recognize what can go wrong. She may not feel the same about me. Even though I never will and don’t ever plan to, she may leave. She may hurt me at some point. She may hurt me more deeply and worse than anyone ever could. I accept that these things can happen and accept the risk. I have faith in her and in us.
If she does hurt me…I’m not sure. I won’t stop loving her, but if I can’t trust her there’s a serious issue. I can’t be with someone that won’t always stand by me, leaves me, or cheats on me. If she does any of those things, which is one of the things my family is worried about I think, I would have to leave even if it would hurt and I want these feelings to last forever.
I know they also don’t want me to get distracted again. I won’t. I know what I have to do and what I want to do with my life, and I am going to do that. It’s honestly this simple, if she truly is the one, then she’ll always be mine and always be there. I will do the same for her, no matter what.
So I just have to wait and see what happens. I don’t want to rush anything. If it happens, I’ll be the happiest man in the world. If not, I’ll still be okay. So I’ll leave it in God’s hands and enjoy the time I do have with her. Hopefully everything works out how I want it to.