Communication.

I made a mistake. Friday night I went out with the baseball team and I got drunk. Before we left I said goodbye to this girl and I grabbed her butt. I told Nicole when I got home about what happened and she hasn’t talked to me all day. She said she was busy but she’s never that busy that she doesn’t talk to me at all. She only does this when she’s mad at me.

I know I was wrong. I know what I did wasn’t right and if she felt on another dude I would be pissed too. I know what I did was disrespectful and if I wasn’t drunk it wouldn’t have happened at all. She has every right to be angry with me. What I don’t understand and can’t deal with is when she won’t talk to me about it.

I hate that. The one thing I do not like is not communicating. When one of us is upset, or both of us, is when we need to talk the most. She just shuts down and I hate when she does that. I know she has a hard time expressing herself but I feel like she should be able to do that with me. She’s my bestfriend. I tell her everything, clearly, and it’s because I love her. I don’t want to hide anything from her. My mom always says, “If you’re pissed, say you’re pissed.” and I need her to start doing that. The distance is hard enough as it is. The fact that we’re both busier than we’ve ever been sucks. So if something happens, we need to talk about it. You say what’s on your mind and you let it out. I don’t care about arguing or fighting. At least I know you care that way. When you don’t say anything is when there’s a problem. I acknowledge that I did something wrong, and I probably hurt her in the process, but she needs to say something to me about it. She needs to say anything. I told her the truth about what happened last night. I knew she’d probably be upset but I love her and I never lie to her. I didn’t think she would flat out stop talking to me.

I hate when she’s like this. I really hate when I do this to her. It’s not the first time. It happened last year when I got drunk with Mak and she was telling me about what happened to her and I sent Nicole a text about not playing me and stuff like that. I was so drunk and upset I didn’t even realize what I was saying and how bad it was. I regret that. I regret Friday night. I’m happy I had a great time with the guys, I was trying to give myself a distraction since she’s all I ever think about. I didn’t think it would end up like this.

Hopefully this is just a little bump in the road. I hope it doesn’t change us or how we feel about each other. I hope she stills trusts me and wants to always be with me. We’ll see.

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