We kind of talked today.
She said she didn’t really have much to say to me and, even though I know that isn’t true, I understand that. I did something wrong, but I don’t think it’s worth throwing away almost 16 months of being together because I touched a girl’s butt when I was drunk. I honestly don’t.
She said actions speak louder than words, but up to that point all I’ve done is show her that I want to be with her, so that doesn’t make any sense. It honestly just made me mad. The distance, the letters, surprises, birthday cakes, both of her necklaces, etc. I could go on, but that’s besides the point. I have done a lot, up until I drunkenly touched a girl’s behind, to show her that I only want to be with her. I’m not trying to understate what I did, because it was wrong, but not saying anything to me about it honestly still pisses me off. Like she could write about it but she couldn’t tell me says a lot and none of it is good. It’s not even just this, she does it all the time when something’s bothering her. She will not tell me anything and it really bothers me.
I feel like that should never be an issue, just like I’m sure she thinks touching another girls anything should never be an issue. This has been going on from the beginning though, and I thought it would get better with time but it hasn’t. It bothers me because she always says, “I just need you to always be open and honest.” I have been, but she doesn’t do the same for me.
I always feel like I try harder than she does. Always. Like yesterday, I was trying to talk about it with her. She wouldn’t respond to me all day, but then would text me goodnight. I don’t operate that way. If there’s a problem then say there’s a problem. Especially if it’s someone you care about and love. Saying nothing says a lot. It means you don’t care or you’re not interested. I hadn’t said anything until today but that hurts. I know I hurt her, but I never intended to. She does this a lot and it’s the absolute worst thing you could do.
I’m making myself mad again so I’ll just stop here.