I struggle with certain things when Nicole and I are a part. I hate when we can’t talk. It makes me feel like we’re getting farther from each other because we can’t see each other so talking to her is all I really have. I can see her when we FaceTime but that’s as close as I can get for right now. I’ve learned to just appreciate what I have with her at the moment. I can’t see her but that doesn’t mean I can’t get closer to her. I love when we can just talk, especially if it’s something serious. I appreciate deep conversation with the person I love.
I’ve been trying to get to the point where I can function and be good and then we can pick up right where we left off. My grades in college are A LOT better now than they were last year, and I hang out with people a lot more. I still like to chill and have my space, but I enjoy going out now too.
One of the things I struggle with is overreacting to things. Like if we don’t talk for a long time during the day I freak out. Whenever I’m busy doing something I wish I could just talk to her. In the middle of the day I wish I could just go get her from work and walk her back to her dorm room. I wish I could do those things all the time but I can’t and there’s nothing I can do about it right now.
Knowing I can’t do it doesn’t stop me from wanting to be with her though. I don’t mind waiting because I know I have something worth waiting for. I’ve found the person I am always going to be with, for better or worse. I’m going to have that with her and it makes me very happy.
I don’t worry about being around other girls because I know I’m not going to do anything with anyone else. I don’t want to and honestly I never want to. I know she won’t believe that right now. I’ve accepted it even though I don’t like it at all. I’ll just have to show her she can trust me again. I don’t mind doing that at all. I’d love to actually.
I dream and I hope that we are always together. I pray for it a lot too. I pray for it all the time and I think that’s pretty significant. I love Nicole. She’s very important to me and I always want her to be in my life by my side. That’s I’m working for and working towards. I believe God’s on my side and he’s helping me make it happen one day at time. I’m not worried.