It Doesn’t Change How I Feel.

I usually complain when Nicole does this. When she acts like I’ll get bored of her, or I’ll leave for whatever reason. I hate it but there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s very deflating and depressing though.

There’s a different between “I don’t want you to get bored.” and “I know you won’t get bored.”

She’ll say things like, “Sometimes people get bored.” and “We haven’t been together that long.” I think it’s bullshit. She knows who I am at this point. She knows what I want because it’s what I’ve always wanted to have with her. It’s been the same since the beginning and it hasn’t changed. I want to spend my life with her, that’s never going to change. When she does this, it’s makes it harder to make that happen.

It’s very frustrating. Distance already sucks, it’s a hell of a lot easier to deal with when you know you’re waiting for the person you’re going to spend your life with though. When she does this, it makes me believe she doesn’t think I am that person for her. I know she is for me. At least I know she could be, she has to feel the same about me though. I don’t understand why she doesn’t.

At this point, I want her to pick a side. One day it’s “I can’t wait until the day we wake up next to each other everyday.” the next it’s “We haven’t been together that long.” and “People get bored.” I feel like she doesn’t understand how much it hurts me for her not to be sure. It makes me feel like everything I’ve done over these almost 16 months haven’t been for anything and that she doesn’t really believe me.

I don’t want that at all. I want us to always be together. I believe we will be. I believe we will always love each other and always be in love with each other. My feelings are never going to change. Now I just need to know what she really feels like.

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