I have a lot more friends now than I did last year here at college. It’s nice and I like hanging out with the people in my hall a lot better than being alone, but Nicole will always be most important person in my life. Last year I didn’t have as many people around to take my mind off of us and distract me, now I have a lot more. It’s supposed to be a good thing, and I have fun with everyone because we laugh a lot and watch movies and stuff, but I really want to do all of these things with Nicole, not them. Nicole is my best friend. She is always going to be. It doesn’t even feel right half of the time being with other people. It never feels right being around the girls. I don’t feel bad because I am never going to be with any woman that’s not Nicole, I just wish I was around her as much as I’m around them. I used to tell her, and still kind of do, whenever I would hang out with the girls. I would do it so she would know I am never going to hide anything from her, but it just made her really upset. She would barely speak to me and she only does that when something’s bothering her or when she’s upset with me. I was trying to reassure her that nothing is ever going to change us and that I am never going to leave, but I was doing the opposite.
My fear is that we’ll start to grow apart instead of growing together because we’re busier, more people are in our lives and we can’t see each other as much. I know this won’t happen and I hope and pray it never does, but it is a fear I have. Everyone here knows I am in love with her, I’m not sure if they know we are going to get married after graduation, but everyone knows I am always going to love her. I even told my mom that I am going to marry her after graduation and that I was always going to be in love with her. I wanted her to know I was serious. The best way to do that was to tell her the truth about what I want for us and how I feel. I am really glad I did it.
We get to see each other in 10 days! I’m looking forward to being with my soulmate again.