I use my blog to open up and vent mostly. It’s mostly for when I get nervous about Nicole and I, (Nicole is the love of my life and we are going to get married one day, for those of you that may not know), because I get nervous sometimes. Little things will make me nervous, like if we can’t/don’t talk or we have misunderstanding. Everything is magnified because I’m in Ohio and she’s in New York. The distance made it harder for me to trust her completely at first, it made everything harder honestly, but that’s not a problem now. I am her’s forever, and nothing is going to change that.
What’s been bothering is my mom hasn’t talked to me since we got into an argument. I love my mom, only parent I have because my dad isn’t a part of my life, but I need her to let me go. It’s time for me to start doing everything myself, unless I need the help and if I did I’d ask for it. I said we don’t need to talk as much but I’d always check in and tell her I love her, that’s all I told her and she went off. I won’t say what she said but it was wrong and it was foul. It just made me sad is all. Doesn’t change how I feel as far as me loving her or us not needing to talk as much, so it is what it is.
I pray a lot more now. I love it. Praying feels like I’m really having a conversation with God, just thanking him for everything and asking for some other things to. Not material things, but qualities and people that are really important to me, that I need to always have in this life and the next.
One thing about me I’ve noticed: I’ve realized that I if I don’t think people will always be in my life, or don’t want them to be, I don’t make an effort to form a relationship with them. Sometimes I just lose touch with people I really care about, but sometimes I’ll get to know a person than just not care to try once I feel like I’m not going to communicate or chill with that person. I can be very social and then just not social at all. It’s just me.