This is a post about my relationship, but it’s going to be different. I usually talk about how worried I am and everything like that. How I don’t want things to ever end, and how much I love Nicole. I’m still in love with her and I still never want us to end. I’ve been thinking and feeling differently about certain things.
When we talk, it feels different. Like she doesn’t really want to talk to me. It makes me feel bad because I don’t want things to change. I really don’t. People come and go out of your life, it’s how it is and there’s nothing you can do about it, I don’t believe Nicole will be one of those people for me. I never did.
If she turns out that she is, it would hurt. There is no getting around that it would hurt a lot, and probably for a very long time. If it happens, that also means she wasn’t the person God meant for me to be with, and eventually I’ll be good again.
I always freaked out because I want us to always be together. I believe that we’ll be that couple that is always in love and bestfriends and we’ll do anything for each other, that’s what I want us to be. That’s my goal for us.
I wonder if the distance will ever be too much. I wonder if I’m fighting a losing battle, no matter how hard I try or how much I love Nicole. It’s hard for me knowing that there’s a possibility she may not love me forever like I want, and pray for. I don’t want to get hurt like that. I don’t want anyone to be hurt like that. That’s my biggest fear: Giving all of myself to Nicole, and it not being enough to last. I care that much.
As scary as it can be and as much as I feel like we’re, mostly me, not in the best spot right now, I have faith. I really do. I’m in love with her for a reason and that’s not going to change, it honestly never will. I’m not going to freak out on her because I feel the way that I do. I trust her. Even if something happens, I don’t regret anything at all. I will always love her.