I’m tired of fighting.

Nicole and I were arguing, and it’s always about the same thing. Just that we don’t talk as much. I don’t want to be needy and controlling. That’s not my thing at all, I don’t care that we can’t talk all day. I get upset because when we do, it’s like I’m talking to a wall. Our conversations are usually great, even the pointless ones. That’s all I need when she’s 500+ miles away. If we can’t talk to each other then we don’t have anything, and it always sucks when we can’t talk.

My rationale for getting upset is that Nicole and I don’t see each other at all for long periods of time. All we can do is talk or FaceTime until we can actually be next to each other. So for 8-10 months out of the year, all I can look forward to is talking to her. That’s more than fine, I love her, but if that’s gone it’s hard for me not to get upset. 

I told her I didn’t want to talk today, because I don’t want to say something dumb or make it worse. I hate it. I feel like I’m losing Nicole. I do. I hate it. I don’t really know what to do about it though. So I’ll just let it be for now.

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