So here’s where I am.

We talked last night, and that’s good. I don’t like us not talking but we’re fighting a lot. We’re arguing a lot and we don’t normally do that. It’s stressing me out and I feel like I should have just left certain things alone, but I can’t do that. I couldn’t. Certain things piss me off and hurt me, like when she shuts me out or when she says “You don’t know if you’ll always love me.” and things like that. So I have to tell her. I have to express that. What she does with it or how she takes it, that’s up to her. I sent her a long text last night but it wasn’t angry, when she does that it just confuses and hurts me. There was a lot of love in that text too, but she probably won’t see that. She’ll probably just see the negative in it.

Am I the only one that thinks that’s weird though? Am I the only one that thinks it’s a problem she feels like that? I don’t know how to change that. I don’t know if I’m doing something wrong or not. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what she wants from me. I don’t know if she even wants to be with me right now. She said she wants me to be happy, but she makes me happy! When she’s herself and the person I know she makes me the happiest person in the world. Not when she’s shutting down and upset. When she doesn’t talk to me, that’s playing a game to me. If you care about someone and you really love someone, you make sure you talk things out, and if you don’t feel like talking you say that. You don’t say nothing. Things don’t blow over when you say nothing, they get worse. Silence says a lot about how you feel about a relationship. It says you don’t care what happens or you just want it to be over. If that’s what she wants she needs to say that.

I hurt her, I thought it was because of the snapchat video, but it was because of the drinking. I told her I can stop if it’s making her upset and hurting her. That’s not a problem at all. Then she said that would make her uncomfortable for me to give up drinking for her, but that doesn’t make sense to me. It’s just alcohol. It’s literally poison. Why would I put drinking alcohol over you when I love you? That makes no sense. I don’t want us breaking up or anything but I really don’t know what to do. Maybe if we did that would make her happier than being with me. Maybe she’s got someone else and that’s why she’s not talking to me. I don’t know. We’ll see what happens.

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